IS FORGIVENESS A CHOICE?

It is a choice, however will you choose it? We will discuss “forgive and you shall be forgiven” in the context of this topic as it is more closely related to choosing to forgive than we realise. Let’s continue on my journey.

THOUGHTS THAT KEEP US FROM OUR TRUTH

We constantly judge others around us, particularly those who are close to us, because their action/non action and their speak heckles us. A close friend who laughs at a mistake we made and continues to rub it in, a partner who is untidy when we are tidy, a lover who betrays us, a close relative who physically threatens us, a partner who controls us with disdainful comments and belittle us etc. etc. Do you agree?

While ever we hold onto our judgments of others and react to their behaviours, we keep ourselves in prison and clutter our minds and hearts with resentment and bitterness. The only way out of this prison is forgiveness. Let me attempt to explain my take on how forgiveness can lead us to freedom.

Here is a link to a  30 second free quiz that will help you understand and know yourself better .

BACK TO THE THESAURUS FOR CLARITY

For this purpose I have selected forgiveness and acceptance to gain some clarity.

FORGIVENESS Synonyms: absolution, amnesty, compassion, grace, mercy, vindication, exoneration, lenience, respite Antonyms: blame, meanness, mercilessness, accusation, punishment

ACCEPTANCE Synonyms: acknowledgment, admission, approval, compliance, consent cooperation, recognition, acquiring, okay, permission, undertaking, green light, receiving, securing Antonyms: denial, disagreement, disapproval, dissension, opposition, refusal, veto, disbelief, dissent

I have highlighted the ones that resonate with me. Which ones do you resonate with?

IS FORGIVENESS SINCERE ACCEPTANCE?

By pretending something didn’t happen is simply a smoke screen. It still lives on in your heart and continues to arise in your thoughts and worse still, we bring it up again and again. Whether we speak it or think it the issue still has life and continues to be toxic in our consciousness.

True forgiveness is having the grace to sincerely accept someone’s behaviourYes, but will we choose it? and then we can let it go. It is who they are at the time, they can’t stop, they are hung up on their own lessons in their lives and we have our own role playing out. If someone’s behaviour is intolerable e.g. physical violence, mental abuse etc. it is then our responsibility to forgive them and physically move away for our own safety and protection.

In situations where people are unkind or rude it helps to mentally step back from them, see them as an individual (i.e. not your partner, not your friend) and therefore to see, with clarity, their role in the issue and our own role. Resolution is found and someone is forgiven.

I was unkind to a friend, on the phone, and handled the situation abysmally. I knew I had hurt her and attempted to apologise. She needed time to think through what had happened and we spoke a day later. I admitted (took responsibility) my outburst was blunt, rude and indeed abysmal. However we talked through the issue and she learned she needed to make slight adjustments to her behaviour too. She indeed, forgave me my outburst and we both grew. We can’t change other people’s behaviour and they can’t change ours. It is entirely up to the individual to take responsibility and make changes if they want to. They are they and I am I.

PERSONALITY TRAITS/PEOPLE’S BASIC NATURE

One thing to bear in mind is that we are all different, albeit we fall into personality categories. This is clearly represented in our star signs.

If you are not into astrology, a helpful fun read is a book called Personality Plus that describes four basic categories people fall into. Armed with knowledge of people’s basic traits makes it easier to forgive. We can see and accept their traits and they can see ours.

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Examples that exist in my life are: Tidy/untidy, spontaneous/planner, (one leaves things until the lastminute/other has always got a plan to follow), patient/impatient, drives fast/drives slow, creative/mental etc. These kinds of behaviours are innate and we were born with them. It would be pointless trying to get a spontaneous person to help plan. One doesn’t need a plan and the other does. Add to the mix the nature of men and women who behave differently and it becomes a sea of understanding. There is very little chance of a woman trying to change a man’s approach to driving and the opposite is a man trying to change a woman’s approach to the way she likes to dress or wear her hair. Only the individual can change the inherent so we accept them as they are and sincerely forgive them for being different to us.

FORGIVE AND YOU SHALL BE FORGIVEN

In learning to forgive others, we are forgiving ourselves for the rants and raves we have performed and realised we are, in fact, not perfect ourselves. Mirror this and we see how others accept and forgive us for being say shy, impatient, always late, needing a plan etc.

True forgiveness brings us peace of mind and a happy heart. We have let it go,Is Forgiveness A Choice? given others approval to be themselves and accepted they are none of our business. In fact, would it be true to realise, we have enough of our own lessons to learn without wasting time and precious energy on what we believe is their lessons. Live and let live comes to mind and I am going to put that up on my wall to keep me reminded. Another thought comes to mind we come into this world alone and we go out alone, is that not a clue to focus on our own journey?

IN CONCLUSION

I have enjoyed chatting with you, expressing my opinion and would love your contribution to the conversation. Your thoughts, your experiences, your opinion, so we can help each other to grow into our happiness together. Happy journeying and cheers for now, Jill

SELF ESTEEM VS EGO

Let’s explore the difference between self esteem and ego. There are layers and layers of ego and when we overcome a layer we think we are done. Believe me there are other layers that go deeper and deeper. The bears and the rainbows are away having a holiday so it’s back to earthling me.

LOW SELF ESTEEM AND EGO

The ego drives low esteem and is learned behaviour that can be unlearned. I believe the first few layers are easily recognised as they are simply “on the surface” negative thinking. The very first thing we need to do is become self aware of negative thoughts to enable us to challenge the ego and take back control of our lives.

By simply deciding we will discipline ourselves to become self aware is the very first layer. The ego will immediately resist any endeavour to become self aware as it knows it is about to be challenged. Consequently, we will have thoughts of :

BASEMENT: “I can’t be bothered monitoring my thoughts, my speak and my actions. This is all bullshit. There’s nothing wrong with my ego, it’s you that has the problem” etc. and our self esteem stays low, exactly where it is. Does this sound familiar?

FIRST FLOOR: We defy our egos and start to monitor our thoughts, speak and action and discover quickly that we do think, speak and act negatively most of our waking hours. We decide to consciously change our thoughts, speak and actions to positive ones. We begin to look at what would truly make us happy. Perhaps more money, more love, a better job, more freedom. Our egos react with:

“You are being silly, you don’t deserve that, you are not worthy, you are not smart enough, you are too old or too young” etc. and our self esteem stays low, exactly where it is.

HIGHER SELF ESTEEM AND EGO

EIGHTH FLOOR: We have pushed past the bottom floors to about the eighth floor and our self esteem is significantly higher. We do love ourselves, know we deserve and are worthy of anything we desire, have decided where we want to be in 1 year’s time, have set our goals on paper, we have a step by step plan and we feel good about ourselves, have grown in confidence, believe in ourselves and know where we are going. However, we reach a block/barrier that has us reeling, we feel stuck, we are in a maze, every way we turn is unrewarding, we have pushed so hard we are exhausted perhaps even burned out. At this point the blocks/barriers we come across are much stronger and stretching our resolve, however we can find solutions. Our egos have lost layer after layer and are now fighting to remain in control and their reactions are also stronger and more sophisticated:

“You are stuck, you are confused, frustrated, disappointed, despairing, overwhelmed, you have to struggle to get ahead, it’s so tough, things have to be hard, it’s never going to be easy, you will never make it, I told you so” and now our higher self esteem stays exactly where it is.

Have you noticed the higher we go the resistant feelings become a greater challenge to overcome.

HIGHER SELF VS EGO

By this stage I have learned to identify Higher Self language versus Ego language. Let’s make a list of a few to refer back to.

HIGHER SELF / EGO LANGUAGE

  • Positive/ Negative
  • Generous/ Greed
  • Light/ Dark
  • Hope/ Despair
  • Belief/ DisappointmentTHE FLIP
  • Love/Self Hate
  • Full/ Empty
  • Joy/ Depressed, debilitated
  • Clarity/ Confusion
  • Compassion/ Indifference
  • Patience/ Impatience
  • Optimism/ Pessimism
  • Healing/ Sickness
  • Winning /Defeat
  • Controlled/ Overwhelm
  • Surety/ Fear
  • Easy /Hard
  • Soft /Tough
  • Harmony /Struggle
  • Anger/ Calm
  • Sweet/ Bitter
  • Free /Stuck
  • Support Sharing /Loneliness
  • Courage/ Doubt

Remember THE FLIP. We simply need to choose the positive attitude and wear it proudly. Be aware the ego will make things seem tougher, a struggle and harder. When I am faced with a challenge that I can’t see a solution, I fall back on my intuition for answers. e.g. I am particularly inept with the technical side of social media. After feeling “helpless and I don’t know how to do this stuff” my intuition told me to get help from an expert. The lesson I learned was “Asking for help is a perfectly acceptable solution”. My ego had me floundering around, wounded and not capable for a day or two! There is always an answer from our higher selves.

HELP COMES IN MANY FORMS

It could be a mentor, a teacher, a friend, a business acquaintance, a peer, someone doing what you want to learn. I have found help and assistance in a female entrepreneur group, a business acquaintance and a teacher. Once again I remind you of one of my teachers,  Joe Vitale. I have great respect for Joe, and his teachings have just got me through an ego driven battle (block/barrier) that I was losing big time. His latest scientifically proven method, called The Secret Mirror, really worked a treat for me. I strongly recommend that you give this a try.  It has a 60 day money back guarantee.  I can assure you I won’t be returning mine! Thank you Joe. Once more I am free and off and running, feeling wonderful and confident knowing I have places to go for a helping hand.

In Conclusion

There truly is help everywhere if we take the time to calm down, get grounded, stay true to ourselves and our goals, look and ask. Once again, I request you comments on you journeys, perhaps where you are at, where you are going, a challenge you overcame and how. Sharing and supporting is a wonderful way to give back, lend a helpful hand and grow together. Until next time, Cheers Jill

DEFINITION OF HIGHER POWER

Our Higher Power is a higher state of consciousness. When referred to as a higher state of consciousness, I believe it takes the mystic out of the words higher power and therefore seems more achievable. Let’s see what the Bear Family has to say about it.

MAMMA AND POPPA BEAR KID FREE WEEKEND

Once upon a time Mamma and Poppa Bear dropped the kids of to a Kiddies Camping Weekend. On the way home they dropped into Muffin Break for a coffee and cake. They valued time together where they could relax and be themselves, a bit of togetherness and Pappa held Mamma’s hand. They truly loved and enjoyed each other

Definition of Higher Power

Upon arriving home Pappa headed off to do a few chores while Mamma prepared a Country style Chicken Casserole for dinner. It was Pappa”s favourite meal. Then she headed off to have a shower, put on a trace of make-up and some of her favourite perfume. She looked at herself in the mirror and was pleased with her efforts, she thought “I look beautiful” and with a smile on her face she headed off to set the dinner table with a few special things. As she was laying the table she heard Pappa come home and he headed off to shower and shave.

The two of them were sitting comfortably with each other, eating dinner and chatting about Teddy and Missy loving the camping weekends as much as they loved time to themselves. As they were about to tuck into a bread and butter pudding Mamma asked Pappa “What is this higher power? The ladies at the bowling club are all talking about it”. Pappa replied “Oh Mamma, not this again”. Mamma said “You see things differently to me so let’s see if we can get some clarity. I need your help”. Pappa replied “All I know is we are responsible only for ourselves. It doesn’t matter what I think. What I think is my journey. You need to think for yourself about your journey”.

 He added, “A wise old man shared with me, a common mistake we may make is, when we believe we have reached a higher state, we tend to parade a Holier Than Thou attitude and are tempted to try to convert others. This cannot be done. Everyone has to want to take, and be responsible for their own journey (a personal one, that can take many different paths). When we try to convert others with our superior attitude, we don’t stop to think, maybe these people are more evolved than we are. Humbling but true. When we stop judging others and ourselves, we can step back and realise we have made mobs of progress, however there is more to discover, new concepts to explore that will further expand our consciousness and being. It truly is a journey, not a race”.

Mamma sat and reflected on what this wise old man had shared with Pappa and realised it was time to take her own journey. She said quietly “Thank you for sharing the old man’s thoughts Pappa” and leaned over, gave him a quick kiss and started to clear the table. It was time for bed.

THE RAINBOW FAMILY

Meanwhile the Rainbow Family and friends, were celebrating little Bow’s birthday. Mother Rainbow had been inspired to make not only a beautiful fairy cake but had hung many brightly coloured lights that were twinkling away. They all danced around the cake with sheer joy and the kids squealed, a little, as their joy filled the air. It was truly a wonderful happy time.

Eventually the kids, with their tummies filled, went of skipping and playing hide-and-seek in the soft white clouds. The adults retired to their favourite armchair clouds and settle in for a bit of warm fellowship with their friends.

Definition of Higher Power

The moon, a wise old man, and the raindrops had been friends of the rainbows for many “moons” so to speak and the sun dropped in briefly through the clouds. They all marveled at their different energies, and the rainbows commented on “not being solid”.  The moon agreed and said, “in a way, you rainbows are a perfect example of displaying energy, not touchable or holdable yet there you are in all your glory”. The others agreed, they all appeared different and knew they were all the one source of energy.

EARTHLINGS STRUGGLE WITH ONENESS

The wise old man said “It is sad that the earthlings have forgotten their source. They are challenged by the fact that they are not actually solid, like they think they are, they are all simply energy exactly the same as us. I notice more of them are waking up again and it is wonderful to see. As we know, the pure source is simply an energy consciousness, a higher state of consciousness. They wander around in the wilderness not realising who or what they really are. Most are worried about where the next dollar is coming from and more material possessions. This keeps them locked into a low vibration and they get more low vibration outcomes. How can we help them?

SOUNDS CRAZY BUT……..

LET IT ALL GO. Let it all go in our minds. Our attachment to possessions, our negative thoughts, our negative emotions and negative reactions and our obsession with dollars are the silly little things that keep us in mundane consciousness.  Truly, our egos keep us in this mundane consciousness.  If we could let it all go, we are free to explore new concepts, expand our thinking and consciousness and learn again, how to simply be, be like a baby again, be a living thing, be a life, be a journey and live in the moment.

It is time to introduce you to Joe Vitale.  Joe featured in the the movie documentary “The Secret” and has since written many books and put together helpful programs to train us to rise above our mundane consciousness, face our egos head on and move on to higher consciousness.  Joe , himself, was living on the street and in poverty. Joe’s latest scientifically proven program “The Secret Mirror” has a 60 day money back guarantee. I can assure you I won’t be returning mine! These wonderful teachers are THERE FOR US to learn their wisdom and find our destiny.  Come join me and let Joe lead us to the happiness and abundance we all crave.

IN CONCLUSION

My journey continues and I am stretched to keep up with what is happening. I purchased Joe’s “Secret Mirror” to help me through feelings of overwhelm and confusion.  I recommend his teachings in a heart beat.  Your input and your experiences would be appreciated, so please leave your comments so we can grow together.  Cheers  Jill

DEFINITION OF A BELIEF SYSTEM

You might ask what are belief systems? We have two belief systems, the one we were born with and the other formed by our parental influences as we are growing up. The belief system we were born with is totally unlimited, the sky is the limit (or is it beyond that?) and the one we form with parental control is accomplished at limiting life.

As an aside, I am letting you know that I am experimenting in a new writing style that is lighter, fun and childlike. My last post was heavy, heavy, it is my aim to lighten up and have some fun. What do you reckon?

LIMITING BELIEFS (EGO DRIVEN)

Once upon a time there was a bear family that lived in the woods together. Define A Belief SystemMother Bear, Father Bear and two little ones called Teddy and Missy. One day, Teddy and Missy headed off to a forbidden cave to explore and have some fun. Un beknown to them Father Bear had followed them and he burst in on them yelling “I told you two you were never to come here and venture so far away from home. Look at what you have done, you have put yourselves in danger of the cave falling in or being bitten by a snake. Now get your butts out of here and get home now” he yelled. As they cowered past him he tweaked their ears to send them on their way. Mother Bear was not happy when they got home and sent them to their rooms to think about their actions.

Later that night, when Teddy and Missy were snuggled up in bed, Missy said to Teddy, “You know Ted, I was having so much fun with you in our special place, catching tadpoles and climbing the rocks”. Ted answered “Me too. I love the way the taddies wriggle in my hand. I don’t understand why Mum and Dad forbid us from adventure, but we best not ever go again”. And Missy said “I agree, I always feel so guilty, ashamed, naughty and unloved when Mum and Dad get so upset”.

THAT NIGHT MAMMA AND PAPPA BEAR TALKED

Pappa Bear said to Mumma Bear “Those kids don’t listen. We are only trying to protect them from danger and they will wander so far away from home”. And Mamma Bear agreed and said “Parenting is a challenge eh Pappa?”. Then they sat in front of the fire, Mamma knitting and Pappa reading a book.

Suddenly Pappa put his book down for a bit and thought as he stared into the fire. Some time went by and he said “Mamma, you got me thinking about parenting. Maybe we have got it all wrong”. Mamma Bear looked up and said “Pappa, what on earth do you mean? They disobeyed us and we know what’s best for them”. Pappa Bear looked intent and said “I’ve never thought of this before, maybe we are teaching them to be afraid of adventure. I rememberWhat Are Belief Systems when I was a child I wandered off to explore, climb rocks, even a high tree and I was having so much fun. Dad came along and scalded me for climbing trees and warned me of the danger. I never climbed a high tree again”. Mamma Bear said “Oh, that is interesting Pappa, maybe you are right, we are teaching them to be afraid of exploring and adventuring. I noted they are so quiet when we catch them out. I’m wondering if they think we don’t love them anymore. Missy always looks so guilty and ashamed”. And they agreed they would search for a better way where they could encourage the kids to explore and venture without fear, to be safe and careful instead.

The moral of the story is, this is how limiting beliefs are formed. The children now know fear, feeling unloved, guilt, shame, think they must obey, their sense of adventure and exploring is tainted by fear.

UNLIMITED BELIEF HIGHER POWER

Once upon a time there was a Rainbow family that lived in the sky. Mother Definition Of A Belief SystemRainbow, Father Rainbow and two little ones called Rain and Bow. One day the Rainbow Family headed off through the clouds and came across a heap of raindrops. As they talked with the raindrops, Bow noticed her rainbow reflection in the water drops. She pointed this out to everyone and they all agreed the reflections enhanced the appearance of them all. The Rainbows had a shine about them and the raindrops had absorbed the colors of the Rainbows. Then they all sat down together around a table in the clouds and the raindrops starting telling their stories. When they fell to earth they landed in a fairy pond at the bottom of the garden. The fairies were beautiful with their wispy glistening wings, perfect little bodies and all the colors of the Rainbow family. The fairies told stories of the humans they had encountered and how they had bright conversations with the children. One day when the raindrops were visiting the fairies, Santa Klaus and his reindeers dropped by and while the reindeers fed on the lush green grass, the raindrops, fairies andWhat Are Belief Systems Santa all shared a lunch. Santa and the fairies talked of the children and the joy on their faces whenever they met them. The children loved them with their hearts.

The  Rainbow family and their community are simply BEING, celebrating life and have synchronised their energies.Their reflections in each other are (win/win)  because they all have higher vibrations.  They only see the positive. I say, find and connect once more to our child’s higher power and we can all be free once more as we were meant to be.

LEARN FROM OUR CHILDREN

The young children in our lives have not developed ego based control mode. The seeds maybe there but the egos are flimsy and consequently the children believe in Santa and the fairies. Their beliefs are unlimited and life can be whatever they wish. They are still in contact with the high vibrations we are all born with. We need to recall the true belief system we had when we believed in Santa. When we reconnect with our true belief system we can have and be whatever we want because we truly believe we can. Then the sky is the limit (or is it beyond that?).

I read recently an article about setting goals which said, First write them down, then make them specific, then make them time measurable (give them a date) and lastly, make them attainable and realistic. By making them attainable and realistic we are coming from our limited belief system. Our goals can be what we truly really want like freedom, all the riches of life (health, healing, soul mates, joy, laughter, love, peace) and enormous abundance, wealth, and passive income of $m’s per year.

Whatever you think you desire, make it bigger, then bigger again, then bigger again until you can’t make it any bigger and then you will have reached what you truly desire and deserve. THEN BELIEVE YOU CAN HAVE IT WITH THE SAME BELIEF YOU HAD THAT SANTA IS REAL. We all know what that belief in Santa felt like (there was absolutely no doubt at all) then nurture that belief and bring it back to your life and your consciousness. We honestly can have it all. It’s time to introduce you to Joe Vitale a legendary Law of Attraction Teacher.  Joe features in the movie documentary “The Secret”.

IN CONCLUSION

Remember when, as small children we played in a simple puddle and the joy we felt. Bring our child back into our adult lives and VOILA.

It has been fun exploring writing in a childlike fashion and I think I’m hooked. Please leave your comments and let me know how I did. Your feedback will be welcomed and appreciated. Meanwhile: BELIEVE WITH THE SAME BELIEF YOU HAD THAT SANTA IS REAL.

Cheers now, Jill