IS FORGIVENESS A CHOICE?

It is a choice, however will you choose it? We will discuss “forgive and you shall be forgiven” in the context of this topic as it is more closely related to choosing to forgive than we realise. Let’s continue on my journey.

THOUGHTS THAT KEEP US FROM OUR TRUTH

We constantly judge others around us, particularly those who are close to us, because their action/non action and their speak heckles us. A close friend who laughs at a mistake we made and continues to rub it in, a partner who is untidy when we are tidy, a lover who betrays us, a close relative who physically threatens us, a partner who controls us with disdainful comments and belittle us etc. etc. Do you agree?

While ever we hold onto our judgments of others and react to their behaviours, we keep ourselves in prison and clutter our minds and hearts with resentment and bitterness. The only way out of this prison is forgiveness. Let me attempt to explain my take on how forgiveness can lead us to freedom.

Here is a link to a  30 second free quiz that will help you understand and know yourself better .

BACK TO THE THESAURUS FOR CLARITY

For this purpose I have selected forgiveness and acceptance to gain some clarity.

FORGIVENESS Synonyms: absolution, amnesty, compassion, grace, mercy, vindication, exoneration, lenience, respite Antonyms: blame, meanness, mercilessness, accusation, punishment

ACCEPTANCE Synonyms: acknowledgment, admission, approval, compliance, consent cooperation, recognition, acquiring, okay, permission, undertaking, green light, receiving, securing Antonyms: denial, disagreement, disapproval, dissension, opposition, refusal, veto, disbelief, dissent

I have highlighted the ones that resonate with me. Which ones do you resonate with?

IS FORGIVENESS SINCERE ACCEPTANCE?

By pretending something didn’t happen is simply a smoke screen. It still lives on in your heart and continues to arise in your thoughts and worse still, we bring it up again and again. Whether we speak it or think it the issue still has life and continues to be toxic in our consciousness.

True forgiveness is having the grace to sincerely accept someone’s behaviourYes, but will we choose it? and then we can let it go. It is who they are at the time, they can’t stop, they are hung up on their own lessons in their lives and we have our own role playing out. If someone’s behaviour is intolerable e.g. physical violence, mental abuse etc. it is then our responsibility to forgive them and physically move away for our own safety and protection.

In situations where people are unkind or rude it helps to mentally step back from them, see them as an individual (i.e. not your partner, not your friend) and therefore to see, with clarity, their role in the issue and our own role. Resolution is found and someone is forgiven.

I was unkind to a friend, on the phone, and handled the situation abysmally. I knew I had hurt her and attempted to apologise. She needed time to think through what had happened and we spoke a day later. I admitted (took responsibility) my outburst was blunt, rude and indeed abysmal. However we talked through the issue and she learned she needed to make slight adjustments to her behaviour too. She indeed, forgave me my outburst and we both grew. We can’t change other people’s behaviour and they can’t change ours. It is entirely up to the individual to take responsibility and make changes if they want to. They are they and I am I.

PERSONALITY TRAITS/PEOPLE’S BASIC NATURE

One thing to bear in mind is that we are all different, albeit we fall into personality categories. This is clearly represented in our star signs.

If you are not into astrology, a helpful fun read is a book called Personality Plus that describes four basic categories people fall into. Armed with knowledge of people’s basic traits makes it easier to forgive. We can see and accept their traits and they can see ours.

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Examples that exist in my life are: Tidy/untidy, spontaneous/planner, (one leaves things until the lastminute/other has always got a plan to follow), patient/impatient, drives fast/drives slow, creative/mental etc. These kinds of behaviours are innate and we were born with them. It would be pointless trying to get a spontaneous person to help plan. One doesn’t need a plan and the other does. Add to the mix the nature of men and women who behave differently and it becomes a sea of understanding. There is very little chance of a woman trying to change a man’s approach to driving and the opposite is a man trying to change a woman’s approach to the way she likes to dress or wear her hair. Only the individual can change the inherent so we accept them as they are and sincerely forgive them for being different to us.

FORGIVE AND YOU SHALL BE FORGIVEN

In learning to forgive others, we are forgiving ourselves for the rants and raves we have performed and realised we are, in fact, not perfect ourselves. Mirror this and we see how others accept and forgive us for being say shy, impatient, always late, needing a plan etc.

True forgiveness brings us peace of mind and a happy heart. We have let it go,Is Forgiveness A Choice? given others approval to be themselves and accepted they are none of our business. In fact, would it be true to realise, we have enough of our own lessons to learn without wasting time and precious energy on what we believe is their lessons. Live and let live comes to mind and I am going to put that up on my wall to keep me reminded. Another thought comes to mind we come into this world alone and we go out alone, is that not a clue to focus on our own journey?

IN CONCLUSION

I have enjoyed chatting with you, expressing my opinion and would love your contribution to the conversation. Your thoughts, your experiences, your opinion, so we can help each other to grow into our happiness together. Happy journeying and cheers for now, Jill

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10 Replies to “IS FORGIVENESS A CHOICE?”

  1. A great article about a rare topic. I had some ‘fights’ with people that I love, but, learning how to forgive truly has been one of the most valuable skills that I was able to learn. (if I can call it a skill). I used to meditate and intentionally recall the events from my memory that brought me resentment and all other negative feelings towards the people I love. Then, I ‘reprogramed’ my memory about some incidents by seeing people who I love smiled and happy. Also, I saw my self walking away smiled and happy instead of fretting and fuming. I turned those bad memories into positive and negative feelings went away gradually as I was practicing this method. Thanks for sharing your advice!

    1. Hi Ivan, Thank you for your comments. I resonate with your method of reprogramming negative memories into positive ones. That is genuinely letting it go with a peaceful mind and a happy heart. Thank you for sharing. Cheers Jill

  2. I know someone who just always seem to be telling lies and I have lived too much of my life trying to get that person to stop lying.

    I never thought of just accepting that person the way the way they are, until reading this article. I will give this a try. Thanks. Much appreciated.

    1. Hi Josephine, Go for it. Be sincere and find a peaceful mind. This is what I would do: visualise how frustrated you are then let it go and visualise yourself with this person happily lying away and yourself smiling and happy (even a little sad that she is hurting herself and doesn’t know it). You can do this. Not always easy but achievable. Cheers Jill

        1. You beautiful gal! Please keep me posted! I would love that. Know that I have one forgiveness that I am making that still keeps resurfacing! I’m working and working on it. It’s in my face all the time. I truly want it gone and with sincerity I will be able to let go of it. Cheers Jill

  3. Wonderful article! You are so right – “True forgiveness brings us peace of mind and a happy heart.” And this includes forgiving ones self. Self-love, self-awareness and self-forgiveness are so important to practice and then you can forgive and love others more easily. Learning to let go is powerful and bring us so much freedom to be happy. Great advice and insight on the matter. Someone will surely need to read this and find great value in it. Thank you again for sharing 🙂

  4. Thank you for a helpful article.

    I had a tragic incident in my love life in 2016 and I had to learn to forgive although it was the hardest thing to do at the time, But what I told myself was that not forgiving someone leaves you with a lot of burden for you to say the least.

    1. Hi Thabo, Thanks for sharing. So true, the burden is toxic and will eat away, eat away. Better to forgive (even if it takes many attempts) and have a happy heart. Cheers Jill

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