It’s my job to come up with a few strategies for controlling anger. Let’s approach this by first going back to basics. Yep, back to the Law of Attraction. For new comers, I will state what the Law of Attraction is:  what we think, say and do we get more of.  Refer to my first post called “Defining Life’s Happiness” for a detailed explanation.


We’ve heard of fight or flight I’m sure. It is fight in this context that I am going to be talking about. Fight is fueled by anger and suppose we were attacked by a perpetrator and genuinely needed to defend ourselves. David and Goliath comes to my mind, or a crocodile was about to attack us it is only common sense to fight for our lives. This is legitimate and I’m sure we get the drift. These situations completely validate anger and perhaps is the reason why we all have this emotion.




Do we want to be angry people, or do we want to be “cool” people? Firstly let’s check the dictionary for synonyms and antonyms. Synonyms of anger include annoyed, bitter, enraged, exasperated, furious, heated, outraged, irritated to name a few. Antonyms of anger include calm, cheerful, cool, happy, relaxed, peaceful, content and collected.

Would you believe we can simply decide to flip anger and wear the attitudes of the antonyms. I would choose calm, cool, relaxed and content. What would you choose? Notice the feelings that come up when we just read the negative and positive words. It really is as simple as that. The next time we feel exasperated and furious, simply remind ourselves to flip those feelings to cool, relaxed and calm. To do this recall the last time you felt calm and cool and resonate with those feelings.




The Law states like attracts like. Consequently if we allow ourselves to feel bitter and irritated, then act out of bitterness and irritation by becoming abusive, lashing out, smashing something, yelling critical words at someone, accusing them of being an idiot etc. then we will attract more of all of those destructive THOUGHTS, ACTIONS AND SPEAK. Do we understand this is the think, do and say. Whatever we hold in our minds we get more of. By simply embracing and wearing attitudes of calm, cool, relaxed and content, we will attract more of calm, cool, relaxed and contentedness.

Be warned that the monkeys on our shoulders will spring into action saying things like, “what a load of crap, anger is the only way to deal with this, f…… this etc. etc”.


Listen to the monkey and try to identify where and from whom these responses came from. Perhaps it was our parents, our grandparents, our siblings or even a friend. There is a lot of information about our monkeys in my previous post Master Happiness and Teach Your Kids.

While ever we allow our monkeys to lead and control our lives and continue to hold negative responses in our mind and hearts, nothing can or will change. Is’Isn’t it time to be in charge and take the lead and overrule these learned behaviors that bring us little reward?

When we lash out and give someone a black eye, or break their jaw, our response the next day is to “feel sorry, even ashamed and remorseful” and have very little respect for ourselves. This, in my opinion, is unhealthy learned behavior that thankfully CAN BE UNLEARNED. Is this not true? By mastering ourselves and our behavior we get to feel self respect, self-control and claim our POWER back from our monkeys. By operating out of our POWER BASE, and not running on auto pilot with our monkeys, we are rewarded with many things like happier days, truly knowing who our real self is, and believe me, it becomes so easy to love and feel good about our real self. If we think our new behavior is sissy, goodie two shoes and unappealing (monkey talking) we can choose to keep some harmless, not so good behaviors to spice our lives up! I choose to enjoy a glass or two of wine and I still smoke cigarettes (down to 10 a day) and my rebel loves me for it.


I want to share a couple of angry hissy fits and their consequences. I was working with a big lever arch file and couldn’t find what I wanted, the more I searched the more frustrated and angry I got until in exasperation I hurled the file at the wall. The file burst open and the pages fell out, scattered everywhere in no particular order. I still hadn’t found what I was looking for and now I had a huge job to pick it all up and re-order all the pages. What did I do next? I laughed and knew I would never throw something in anger again, the consequences were too hard to handle.

My brother threw a grease gun that wasn’t co-operating with him and it burst open and filled with sand. The cleanup took precious time, (he was greasing the header to take the crop off) and he knew he would never throw something again. We both decided if “things” weren’t going the way we wanted, it was better to walk away, cool down and often a solution will pop into our minds, go back calmly and finish the task.


Conquer anger once in the next week and you will know YOU CAN DO Be proud of yourself and celebrate




The one thing we can all do is to say “you make me so angry”, and walk away. Good communication gives you the freedom to express your thoughts, whatever they are and this is necessary to acknowledge how we are feeling. Perhaps, simply refrain from acting out the unhealthy ones. Choose healthy, rewarding and positive habits and our lives will be overflowing with happiness. Is it worth it? What do you think?

Please feel free to leave your comments and perhaps share a little of your experiences with anger. Your comment may help another reader. If you have a question, please ask and I will do my best to answer.  Thank you for your time, perhaps this was helpful. Cheers now, Jill

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8 Replies to “SELF HELP FOR ANGER”

  1. Nice article on anger Jill, its good to see another perspective on it. I very rarely get angry because I choose not to allow others to determine my mood :). What are some tips for controlling anger ?

    1. Thanks Marvin. The best tip I can give is what I call “the flip”. Turn the angry feelings into calm and cool feelings. Who doesn’t like to be cool?
      Cheers now, Jill

  2. This is so true. I remember reading that anger itself (like in our fight or flight response) is incredibly fleeting. It is our holding on to the feeling that makes us stew. I try to remember that when something gets me riled, to the point that I hung a picture in my office that says “this too shall pass”. It reminds me to stay calm, let it pass, and act on the situation instead of react to my anger.

  3. Great article, in the past I’ve had trouble controlling my anger and over time (my hard head) learned that the consequences are no longer worth the anger issues. We need to take a step back before we react to things or people and “think” about what can happen if we allow an angry “moment” to happen. Remember everything is just a moment and the anger can pass just as quickly as it came. Thanks for the great read.

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